He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
