Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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