i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize