I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
