They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
