Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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