an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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