I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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