There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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