I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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