New invention idea: vibrating tampons
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
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So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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