Porn is love you can see.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All the doctor said was why
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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