If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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