Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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