Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize