dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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