I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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