You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
