I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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