my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
