Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
