Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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