I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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