this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Actions speak louder than pants.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed