I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.