Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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