brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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