I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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