my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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