I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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