So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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