he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
not ubering you a puppy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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