I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
