This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
