i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
