i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
