I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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