i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
