Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
