O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
