yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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