Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize