just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
