just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
