i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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