I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
