I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line