My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.