it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.