I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.