I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom