I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
