If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
