I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
