I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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